I think of my JW brother a lot. Probably more than I should. I do love him but he’ll never leave. The minute I stopped mouthing off about JWs was when he started talking to me again. I suppose that’s fair. If someone were that opposed to my lifestyle and I had to deal with that every time I made contact I’d be that way too. So we are at an arrangement and it works. The only talk about Kingdom Hall adjacent topics is just gossip about old friends, some living and others not.
We spoke on Saturday after a few months. He was once the 30 year old virgin. He pioneered off and on but never was known as someone particularly zealous. This was a dead zone as far as young brothers go. The pioneering BS guaranteed he was broke and dependent upon our parents for support, which also limited his dating options. Finally at age 35 he got married to a sister in her 20s who didn’t have children. She had a lot of health problems that she concealed from him. After an ectopic pregnancy, she had surgery and it was found that both fallopian tubes were bad. I could hear the anguish in his voice and didn’t press it any further.
He was always a bit of a daydreamer. When he had supermodel crushes, he fantasized about how he could convert them and then marry. This bit of news was a bit of a gut punch for him. He has to know deep inside that the JW doctrine severely limited his options and now his punishment is to never produce an heir. I always got the impression that when he spoke of paradise, it was in the fashion an inactive Catholic would speak of heaven. It was this far-off construct. A stand-in for what worldly people think of heaven.
I think many of them know this already. But paradise is all they have left and if there is a chance it can be true, then they just have to keep carrying on. So they do. Many are like birds in a cage. It’s practically impossible to imagine them leaving the cage and figuring out how to live in the wild.